Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Almost 9

One of my Facebook posts from many days ago would have made a lovely blog post.  Immediately after posting it I thought, "Darn, I should have saved it for the blog."

You're lucky that I have the powers of  "cut and paste" at my fingertips.  I've entered the post below.

Huge dog (pit bull mix?) broke out of his chain and charged at me and Smokey.  I screamed as he charged us. Turns out he wanted to play.

This dog got between my legs so that I straddled him like a f-----g horse. And stood there.

I am wearing a skirt.

I was stuck with trying to dismount the dog while keeping my lady bits from being shown to the world. I was trying to walk backwards to get off of the dog, but he kept moving with me.  In between laughing my ass off and holding my skirt down, the owner managed to pull him from my crotch and re-chained him.


I know you're all wondering, "How does a huge dog find its way between one's legs?"  Well, I'll tell you how.  

At first, the dog was crouched low to the ground while he was passing through my legs to get to my dog.  He stopped midway through, then stood up.  That is when I lost myself in a fit of laughter.  

I remember thinking about the angle at which I could lift my leg and not show people my junk.  This dog was huge and my skirt was short (not "skanky short", but short enough to not want to lift my leg.), so there was no such thing as not showing ANYTHING.  I was either going to have to lift my leg to get off the dog or ride his ass home-preferably to an area behind the bushes in front of my house so that I could privately dismount him.  Which, on second thought, would have only given the neighbors something else to talk about ("What the hell was she doing with that dog behind the bushes?").  That's how rumors get started. 

Ew.

Luckily, the owner was able to gain control of him and I didn't have to show anything.  I once imagined that she's a blogger and wrote a post about how mortified she was that day because she was trying to figure out how to get her dog from between some lady's legs without getting too close to her vagina.  She probably titled the post "But I Don't Know You Like That."   


I'm still determined to get this afghan done. 

3 comments:

Sharon V said...

You are so close! Keep knitting and you will get there.

And, did you get the name of your doggie date? LOL

Renee said...

That is hilarious!

judy said...

You are too funny!